This past year hasn't been easy for me, and while it wasn’t rock bottom, knees scraped the ground a few times. But hey, Black girls have that scar on their knees anyways. One day I’ll chalk it up to something that happened in childhood and isn’t that a thought? That 20s will one day seem as distant as childhood. But isn’t the realization that your 20s may just be your second leg of childhood? Only this time you are not seeking permission from your parents, but from a job that’ll never pay you enough, from a dream you don’t invest enough time in, and from a version of yourself that no longer exists.
All my life my birthday has been a day I have counted down to. June 27 came, “my birthday is 364 days away.” This year is no different. So, it’s 6 days until my birthday and I have no plans, so I’ll tell you a story about my birthday last year.
Picture this: I was 22, three years out of college, in my second "real" job, and nearly completing one year at that company. I chose to renew my lease on my apartment because, honestly, I couldn't afford the apartment I truly wanted, and I didn't feel like packing up and moving on my birthday AGAIN. Fed up with always feeling like I couldn't do the things I wanted and lacking company to do them with, I decided to plan a spontaneous trip. By spontaneous, I mean I had to buy the tickets at the airport to avoid those extra fees that came with online purchases. Believe it or not, Spirit Airlines offered the cheapest tickets, although they were still expensive. I was determined not to be guilted into using my birthday for someone else's celebration.
Once the tickets were booked and charged to my credit card (I don’t play about my points and cashback) there was no turning back. In a mere six days, I had to find an airbnb, request time off work, and purchase new luggage that could double as a personal item since Spirit Airlines makes you pay for EVERYTHING and then has the audacity to be uncomfortable.
And don't even get me started on being a summer baby, where everything becomes ten times more expensive because everyone wants to be outside. Anyways, I booked a trip to go to St. Thomas, flights cheap enough to not shatter my heart, and vibes nice enough to feel like I was out of the country. I was excited. Loaded my TikTok with food recommendations, booked some excursions, and a cute Airbnb in a resort with a very helpful host.
I felt proud. Finally, I was choosing myself. I hoped this trend would continue, and although I could have done better throughout the year, let's focus on the story. I boarded the plane, which I almost missed (but that's a story for another day), and prepared for what I knew would be three incredible days. And they were. The food, the breathtaking views, the water that didn't sting my eyes or dry out my skin—those three days were among the best of my life so far. I almost extended my trip a few more days but I didn’t.
Throughout this year I found myself wishing I did. I’d have a few more days to escape reality, a few more days to mingle with people I’ll probably never see again. Just a few more days away to take for myself.
While I don’t have anything planned this year, I do have a lot going on. Similar to last year, I feel unsatisfied with where I'm at, but things are turning around. I'm already looking forward to next year, when I'll have the opportunity to book my trip months in advance, securing a flight for around $200 instead of $600 and extending my stay for weeks. I’m still learning how to choose myself and my wants first, but I am trying nonetheless.
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